“Wounded” For The Holidays

It’s that time of the year where families gather, holiday games are played, friendsmas doors are opened, matching pajamas are worn, eggnog is drunk, carols are sung and homes are filled with laughter and joy.

A time where airports are crammed and people are left scrambling for hours on end just to see loved ones in hopes of creating more joyous memories to add to their “Oh, what a time” photo album.

And while all the lights are gleaming, bells may be ringing, Christmas movies playing and gingerbread houses are being built, there are still some that have dreaded this season since before the fall leaves fell to the ground.

For many, the holidays aren’t a time full of laughter and glee but instead a reminder of what was, what wasn’t, what will never be again, times past, the reality of today and the joy that seems so far away.

While some live for the holiday hop, many are experiencing this holiday season traveling from home to home forcing themselves to be present and pretend as if their life matches the manufactured smile on their face.

Some booked flights in prayer that the infamous airport delay would be the perfect scapegoat for not making it this holiday season.

Others are dreading the party invites knowing that their capacity for conversation is slim to none.

Somewhere, someone pretended the invite never came.

The truth is, the holiday season can come with a host of triggers bringing about a range of emotions marked by anxiety, shame, pain, sadness and grief that seem too much to bear.

So yes, while some find themselves cozy, nestled, warm and ready to celebrate the end of one year with vision for the next, others find themselves…wounded.

What happens when a wave of grief hits suddenly intensified by smells, colors, memories or the holiday lights?

What happens when the fondest memory of the holiday season is family conflict, unresolved issues, and strained relationships that lead to overwhelming tension, stress and avoidance?

What happens when feelings of loneliness and isolation are magnified after loss or divorce?

What happens when the reminders are mirrors that constantly reflect feelings of inadequacy or comparison, becoming yet another reminder of your unhealed wounds?

I get it.

I remember the first Thanksgiving after being divorced, I was numb.

Moving with the motions.

Smiling when prompted.

Hiding when a corner was available.

Hiding in plain sight when no corner or empty room would open its arms for me.

I remember feeling lost, shamed, embarrassed and alone. Interestingly enough, for me, it wasn’t the loss of a person that I grieved. It was experiencing the holidays without the storyline that I had surrendered too.

“You’ll be judged, talked about, counted out, seen as less”
-Shame-

So I held my head low for years at the holiday functions…until I made a decision that changed my life…I decided to live.

I decided I was tired of bowing to shame and anxiety. I decided I was tired of not embracing the fullness of each moment with my child. I decided I was tired of living in projected thoughts of what others would say.

I decided to LIVE.

Live for myself. I decided to live for my daughter. I decided that we would create our own experience free of the expectations of the world. I decided to LIVE the life God intended for me.

Not free from emotions, but free of allowing my emotions to consume me.

My life, my daughters life…changed for the better.

In making this decision, there were things I had to be stripped of, mindsets I had to surrender, and a heart posture that had to be submitted to God.

The truth is, your wound during the holidays may look and feel different, and thats ok. Maybe it’s the loss of a parent, separation of a friendship, a recent breakup or divorce from a spouse, or maybe it’s being in a new city without family and friends.

Whatever it may be, you also have a decision to make…

LIVE

As someone who has given God a firm “yes” to point the broken, wounded, rejected and lost to Jesus, I can’t write this blog without doing just that. Sometimes we get lost in the emotions of our triggers, lost in the cycles of grief, lost in overwhelming anxiety and we forget that God is much bigger than all of that! In fact he called for us to cast every one of our cares to his feet.

Why?

Because he CARES for us.

He cares about your heart, he cares about your breakup, he cares about your loss, he cares that you feel alone at times.

He CARES!

When you are heavy and weary, he wants you to run to him for rest. His desire is for you to give it all to him.

God gave us emotions to feel, but not to make them our god. When our feelings have rendered us powerless, creating vain imaginations and debilitating unsurity, we must repent and come out of agreement with them.

So, What Do The Wounded Do During The Holidays?

Acknowledge your feelings: Pull out a piece of paper, or maybe a note in your phone and write out exactly how you are feeling. Do not hold anything in. Somewhere, somehow, life convinced you that strength was keeping your feelings buried under the rug. That only creates unGodly isolation making you think that you are alone in the fight. Jesus felt every emotion you may be feeling. With every emotion he felt, he had a need (yet he did not sin). What are you feeling? What is your need? Acknowledge it and move to step 2.

Assess what you acknowledge: Yes those are YOUR feelings! Yes you are capable of feeling and navigating through them in a healthy way! No you are not a bad person! No you shouldn’t feel ashamed or guilty. Many times we aren’t honest with our feelings because we struggle with wounds of rejection and abandonment. Because many of us didn’t grow up with healthy communication in our homes and our voices were not validated, we convinced ourselves that no one will care and that we don’t matter. The fruit of this was learning to cover up what God wanted us to cast. As you assess, begin to ask yourself the why questions, and get to the root (as much as possible) of each of your feelings. Which ones line up with God’s truth? Which ones don’t? Move on to number 3.

Cast It: You have probably noticed by now that I can’t write a blog or honestly anything without getting in the trenches with you..so let’s continue. In 1 Peter 5:7 we are instructed to cast all of our cares on God because he cares for us. We are not instructed to be little god over our own lives. In fact, even now, repent for thinking you could handle this moment of your life on your own. (Lord, I repent for the prideful assumption that I could handle this grief, loss, or sadness on my own. I repent for being little god over my life. I come out of pride. I step back into the role of a child. Your child, and I ask you to come in and have reign over my life.) You need to know that everything you’re feeling God knows. He wants you to give it to him. God won’t condemn what he called for you to cast.

Create healthy boundaries: What’s your threshold? Maybe living for you is getting up, getting showered, ordering in, and watching movies all day, while video calling friends and family periodically. Maybe you decide to visit one supportive, non toxic house, instead of the usual 7 this holiday season. Maybe you decide to take a trip or staycation alone and really focus on your spiritual growth-let’s call it a Jesus date. While you are healing, be mindful of your limits, and communicate them without guilt. This is how you honor yourself while embracing moments. Creating healthy boundaries will help you stay in a surrendered position knowing that even in this, God has it figured out.

Create Your Victory Plan: What scriptures will help you keep up your shield of faith? What scriptures will remind you that the battle is already won just for YOU? What scriptures will help you declare healing that belongs to you (even if you can’t see it yet)? What is your pocket scripture for when the enemy comes knocking with fear, overwhelm, anxiety, or unhealthy grief? Pray those scriptures daily, (hourly if you need to )over your life. Your victory plan…is your plan to LIVE. Even in this.

Pray: Have you ever had that moment where you just don’t know what to pray? Maybe your brain is so filled with stuff, that you’re unsure where to start? I get it. But what if I told you to just start…there. Start where you are. Maybe it sounds like “Lord, this is hard for me…Lord I’m confused today…Lord my heart hurts today…Lord I feel so alone…Lord why does my life look like this…” Whatever your “start” is, just start. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and help you have a little talk with Jesus.

Let’s pray together

Lord thank you for who you are, thank you for never leaving my side, thank you for taking every anxiety, every burden, every care and making my path lighter day by day, thank you for being a safe place to run too, thank you for never forsaking me, thank you for hearing my cries and answering with your love. Lord today if I must be honest, I don’t feel strong at all, I feel very weak. I’m trying to pull myself out of what feels like a pit, but I can’t seem to do it on my own. I need you. God I need you. Your word tells me that when I am weak, when I am at my lowest, when I am at the end of me, your strength is made perfect. Today God I need your perfect strength to lift me. I declare that I am up and out of the pit. Up and out of the depression. Up and out of the vain imaginations that mock your glory. Lord have your way in my life. The door is open. I repent for being in the way. Lord take authority over my life. Strengthen me in this area of brokenness. Build me up in every area of my life that feels torn down. If this is a garden moment for me, and I can’t release this cup, please send my Angels to strengthen me at your command. That is my prayer today, Lord. Your will be done. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Lord thank you for who you are, thank you for never leaving my side, thank you for taking every anxiety, every burden, every care and making my path lighter day by day, thank you for being a safe place to run too, thank you for never forsaking me, thank you for hearing my cries and answering with your love. Lord today the weight of this issue seems too much to bear. I’ve carried this issue around for so long, it seems impossible to give it to you, but I’m tired. It’s drained me of the essence of who you created me to be. I made this issue into my identity and I’m tired of walking in the shadows hiding from your voice. Today I surrender the burdens that were never assigned to me. Lord today I press to touch the hem of your garment. Lord let my faith make me well, let my faith make me whole, let my faith heal me without delay. Lord allow your sword to severe every tie that can’t go into this next season of NEW with you. Lord I know that without faith it is impossible to please you, so today I stand before you with a mustard seed of faith. It’s my offering to you. I repent for giving away the very thing that draws me closer to you. I believe according to your word that I am healed. I am free. Indeed. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

So, What Do The Wounded Do During The Holidays?

They Live.

You Live.

Declare it today by faith…that your faith has made you whole.