Today I Feel…

I started not to write this post…what would people think? Would I be hurting my image? My brand? Would I be letting down the people that look up to me to inspire them? Would people call me weak? Tell me to “Man” up? These are all the things I asked myself when this blog was going to be just a facebook status.

But then I realized…I don’t give a whoop. (Literally laughing out loud right now) I don’t. I don’t care if people talk,  I don’t care if they think I’m weak. Who gives a flying poop? All I care about is the one’s that are inspired about my words…and this is how I feel today. Because truthfully that’s what’s wrong with social media…everyone looks like a bad body benz on the outside, and on the inside WE ALL are broken and busted in some way or another. #Facts

Today, things didn’t go as I had originally planned. You know, there’s always your plans and then there’s God’s plans. His plans will always supercede by the way. God’s plans be like PLOT TWIST!

So here I was planning a full day in Atlanta. I had my hair appt to get my edges slayed and laid yessss! I was attending a women’s movement event tonight, and being able to connect with some fearless ladies in my industry. Plus a few other meetings before heading back to town that would lead to some boss collaboration activities…

But Life Happened. And ALLLLLLL Of Those Plans Got Canceled!

Now as I’m writing this I feel much better than I did 2 hours ago. I realize that God may have been protecting me from harm on the road today. I also take responsibility for not having all of my ish together that could have maybe prevented some of the things from falling through. (Lesson learned)

But 2 hours ago…Tuh. I wasn’t hearing that. I was angry, hurt, bitter, lonely…I felt unworthy, discouraged, I spoke down to myself, I lashed out at others…because guess what hurt people, hurt people! I didn’t want to be bothered, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me…raise your hand if you’ve ever felt this way.

I dropped my daughter off at school late, and when they asked me why she was late…with my edges wrapped up tight, and my shades in formation I boldly looked them in the face and said…LIFE. And eye dared them to ask any more questions.

But why Sway?? Why did I have to do all of that??

I went to my car, and the first song that came on the radio was “Be Encouraged”  and in the song it says “Be encouraged, no matter what’s going on…he’ll make it alright, but you gotta stay strong” “Hold on, trouble don’t last always, these trials are just a test, just a test of your faith”

Talk about convicted. I had allowed my circumstances to take away my power. My problems that truly weren’t problems were given priority over my morning. My hurt feelings, to make others hurt too (Or atleast look at me like a fool)

I was sitting there crying like Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman repenting in the front row of church. And I sat there and I cried, and I cried some more…but not just about the disappointments of today. I cried about other areas of my life that were unfulfilled. Other problems that I had swept under the rug and wanted some attention too.

But I needed this day. I needed this cry. I needed for things to not be perfect. I needed for life to hit me in other areas. Yes, I needed my problems as crazy as that may sound. Because my problems just bring me more passion in my purpose. My problems give me even more to overcome so that I can help pull my other purpose driven women forward.

And so I’m am slowly but surely working on getting back to me. Today I don’t feel like superwoman. My cape has a few holes in it. I don’t feel like empowering. I don’t feel like walking in purpose. I feel like kicking back, with a box (yes a box) of frosted flakes and binge watching….I don’t even know what I would binge watch but I would figure it out!

But I’m not.

Instead I’m going to share my story with you in hopes that it lifts atleast one person up…because guess what. THIS is how I woke up. Hurt. Disappointed. Feeling alone, and a tad broken. But THIS is not how my day will end.

As of 10:14 AM I have given all my issues their expiration notices.

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And if you are reading this, and things didn’t go as planned for you this week..maybe the client didn’t pay, or the new clients you expected to onboard this week decided to go another route…maybe the trip you were planning to take got canceled…whatever it is, I encourage you to take a deep breath, pick up a piece of paper and give your issues their notice too.

Today can and WILL be a great day…if you declare it to be true. Don’t allow your problems to break you down. On this day, (if you make room for it) what was meant to break you down, will be the thing that gets you to your breakthrough…

Today, NOW, I feel…empowered. And now it’s time to get to #werk.

xx

Tiana Patrice